Helga Hufflepuff and the hipsterjeans
by hp-Lover-4-Ever
Summary: WARNING! Extreme randomness... and disturbing, bizarreness... title speaks for it's self... put in harry potter category for reasons. please R
1. Chapter 1

_Summery: WARNING! Extreme randomness… and stuff that doesn't make sense… title speaks for it's self… in a way… I think!_

_Co. written (in some parts) by Lady of the Frozen Black Flame. (LOTFBF for short) _

**A/n Hmmm… Warning this is extremely random… and kinda weird… I'm warning you! Sooo if you read it and then think "WTF?... WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WAS THE AUTHOR AND CO. AUTHOR HIGH ON SOMETHING!" It's not my or my friend's fault… so please read at your own risk! And now for disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: WE OWN HARRY POTTER! MWAHAHAHA! So sue my friend and me! Actually don't! Sorry… we don't own Harry Potter… but that will soon change…**

_Scene: Strange random room in Hogwarts and if you don't know what Hogwarts is then that's just sad and you shouldn't even be looking at fanfics for HP._

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny (A/n sorry for people that only like the trio going on adventures I just felt like putting in Ginny so there –pokes tong out-) found themselves in a mysterious room that they had never seen before.

Harry: What the…!

Ron: Bloody Hell!

Hermione: Oh my god!

Ginny: Where are we? (Everyone looks at her) Oh I mean… (Trails off thinking) What in the world!

Ron: This place is weird!

Fred and George (or if you prefer it Gred and Forge): Ohhh… is ickle Ronnikins scared!

Ron: How the hell did you get down here!

Twins: (Shrugging) I don't know!

Fred: And besides we can't help it… whatever the authoress says we have to do it! (Eyeing the Authoress and the co. Authoress intently)

LOTFBF/ my friend: Don't mind us!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever/ me: Just pretend nobody is here… (Evil grin playing across face)

LOTFBF: Except for yourselves.

Everyone tries to shrug it off but all keep looking suspiciously at authoresses.

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Go! Now! Before I blackmail you for some ridiculous reason… Oops wasn't meant to write that!

LOTFBF: You know you can backspace it!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: (shrugs) Meh! (Being too lazy I don't backspace it)

Hermione: You're the laziest person I have ever come across to meeting… and that's saying something. Look at Ron!

Everyone turns to look at Ron who was lying back picking his nose until he could feel all eyes upon him and stopped abruptly.

Ron: What? (Trying to look innocent at what he had just done.)

Ginny: Gross! I never knew you did that!

LOTFBF: we did NOT make him do that! It's NOT even in the script!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: See he's not that lazy! He even did something that wasn't in the script! NOW that's AMAZING! Though I have to admit that was one of the grossest things I've come across to writing!

LOTFBF: You MEAN you ACTUALLY WROTE IT!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Yep (nodding head vigerously)

LOTFBF: **BUT WHY?**

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: (Shrugs) Because as Hermione said. I'm lazy not to backspace stuff! Now if you will excuse me but I have a story to write!

Harry: Yeah… AND if you haven't noticed but your supposed to be the authoresses NOT the main characters!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: What do you- (looks at laptop and realizes that half of the fanfic so far is about her and LOTFBF) **Oooops**!I sooooooooo DID NOT mean for that to HAPPEN!

Ron: (looking at laptop) What the heck is that!

LOTFBF: Oooooh! (Jumping up and down and flapping hand in the air just like Hermione and trying to mimic her) **I knoooooooowwwwww, I know! **(Then in a very know-it-all-way worthy enough for Hermione says…) It's a portable laptop that comprises of… (And on she went about a laptop saying very wordy words that even the authoress -me- couldn't understand and never knew that she knew what they meant… or let alone existed. And we're best friends! And since I'm a **veeeeerrrryyy** lazy person I won't even bother trying to type it!) … And that's the common foundation (A/n foundation? Sounds like she's talking about a house!) Of a laptop.

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Riiiiight…! (Looking extremely confused and flabbergasted!)

Harry: THAT WAS JUST PLAIN WEIRD!

Ginny: **Harry I'm getting weirded out here!**

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: You think THAT was weird for you! THAT WAS EXTREEMLY WEIRD FOR ME!

Everybody: Why?

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: CAUSE WE'RE BEST FRIENDS AND I HAVE **_NEVER _**HEARD OR SEEN **_THAT _**BEFORE!

Everyone: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: I mean I have seen her smarter than me all the time but that's like AMAZINGLY SMART!

LOTFBF: Shouldn't we be getting on with the fanfic.?

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Oh! Riiiight sorry! (Sits up straight –actually I really did sit up straight at the moment when I wrote that! No joke!- And get's ready to type.)

Harry: Anyways… (Still feeling unconfutable about those last few moments) … Where in the bloody world are we?

Hermione: I don't have a clue! (Shrugging)

Ron: (posing in heroic way) I know where we are!

Everyone: Where?

Ron: No sorry I don't know where we are… a just said that to get attention cause all I think about iiiiiiiiiiiiiiis… ME!

Harry: (sarcastically) Like THAT'S a BIG surprise!

Fred: (Baby, mock voice.) Ohhhh… does ickle Ronnickins want attention!

George: Want someone to hold your hand… I BET my evil instrument will… With pleasure (brings out his favourite instrument… which is known as "Evil thingy" Dun, Dun, Duuuuuuuuuun!)

Ron: You wouldn't!

George: Oh yes I would!

Ron: No yoooooou wouldn't!

George: Yes I would!

Ron: No!

George: Yes!

Ron: No!

George: Yes!

Ron: No you wouldn't infinity!

George: Yes I would infinity plus 1!

Ron always fell for that trick!

Ron: (Sobbing) That's not fair you cheated!

George: How did I cheat my fair brother!

Ginny: I NEVER knew you still cried!

Harry: Well it seems you don't know much about Ron do you? For just within one fanfic you have discovered 2 things you didn't know about your brother.

Ginny: (to Ron) And I thought you gave up sucking your thumb!

Harry: Make that 3!

Hermione: Have you seen Fred?

Everyone looks around.

George: How come I didn't spot that! I'm always known never to be apart from him how come I didn't realize?

Hermione: Ask them! (Pointing to the Authoresses.)

Authoresses just wave sweetly evil grin that had been on their face most of the time grew wider as if down forcefully by invisible hooks.

LOTFBF: Remember we aren't here!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: And remember… one slip of stuffing up this fanfic, then out comes a ridiculous rumour! DAMN I WON'T THAT DOWN AGAIN!

LOTFBF shakes her head at her friend's stupidity!

LOTFBF: (in her head) _note to self **never **make friends with a thick-headed person!_

Everyone shrugs it off.

Everyone then remembers about Fred missing.

Everyone: Fred!

Fred: Hey come over here!

George: Where are you?

Fred: (in spooky, mysterious voice) Follow my voice!

Ginny:_ cough_ retard_ cough_

They then found Fred at an old stone basin that shimmered. It looked to Harry, oddly familiar but not the exactly the same. Where had he seen it before?

Hermione: It's a pensive!

Harry realized that this was true.

Fred and George: Wicked!

Ron: (childish voice) Ohhh… let me have a look!

Harry: Umm… Ron maybe you should stay back at bit… for your sake and ours.

Ron: Meanie!

Hermione: Why don't we have a look?

Fred and George: Ooohhh, I don't know if we should!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Wait a sec; something's VERY disturbing with this picture! Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Everyone: but it says in the script that it's supposed to be like that!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Huh! But then that means… (Hp-Lover-4-Ever looks at LOTFBF) You didn't!

LOTFBF: Oh yeas I did!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: You CHANGED the SCRIPT!

LOTFBF: Yep.

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: No!

LOTFBF: Yep.

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: No!

LOTFBF: Yep.

Everyone: Why?

LOTFBF: To make it interesting AND to make hp-Lover-4-Ever write more stuff cause she's just to thick!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Hey!

LOTFBF: You know it's true that you're thick! You even admitted it!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Really?

LOTFBF: Really?

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: (blank) I don't remember saying that!

LOTFBF: **I doooooo!**

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Yeah but you remember everything!

LOTFBF: Yeah so then I would have to be right!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: (thinking… long silence) Point taken.

LOTFBF: Now back on to the fanfic.

Hermione: But why did you change our lines?

LOTFBF: (irritated) To have a laugh! Happy!

Hermione: Actually, no!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Who gives a shit!

Everyone quiet… Crickets then chirp in the background and a ball of tumbleweed goes across the scene…

Hp-lover-4-Ever: (mumbles) Sorry (Walks back to her/my laptop and starts typing.)

Harry: Anyways…

LOTFBF: You can change your lines back if you want…

Hermione, George and Fred: Yay! (Then start singing) HALLEUYA… HALLELUYA… HALLELUYA, HALLELUYA, HALLELUYAAAAAAAAA!

Fred and George: Why don't we have a look?

Hermione: Oooohhhh, I don't know if we should!

Harry: Ohhh… come **on **Hermione!

Hermione: (Shrugs) I just don't think we should look into other people's thoughts… like what happened with you, Harry, looking into pro. Snapes thoughts…

Harry shivered… He still remembered seeing Snape doing something Harry thought that Snape had never done in his whole life… snogging, well actually it didn't look like snogging, it looked more like he was eating his partner's face… And with whom? Well that just made it ever so more disturbing… Pro. Trelawny! Dun, Dun, Duuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn! Harry still has nightmares of it. (A/n remember in the 5th book how Harry enters the pensive and sees Snape's memories? Well I kinda changed the memory that he saw… heheh!)

Hermione remembering seeing the look on Harry's face was absolutely priceless. A small voice was saying… Don't Hermione that's just cruel and it could back fire and soil your eyes if you let them do this. But a bigger and louder voice was saying in a chant DO IT! DO IT! Soooooo… she listened to the bigger one.

Hermione: Actually let's see! It might help us understand past events… after all it looks really old so it must have been owned by a past headmaster or headmistress… (Though she was sure the memories weren't used for memories of history.)

Harry: (seeing the look in Hermione's eyes was absolutely petrifying! It looked like she was about to go for a killer shopping spree.) Ummmm… actually I don't know if we should…

Hermione: Relax Harry I'm sure it will be fun… Aaaaaaannnnnnddddd educational. (Trying to keep in her usual character of mind)

Harry: Ummm… Okay… (He had never seen Hermione like that before! It was **_scaaaaaarrrrrryyyyy!_**)

Hermione: (prodded the misty substance in the pensive and let the others all go in before her… until it was just Harry and her) Ohhh… Come one Harry just go! (Her eyes changed to its original colour… that was when Harry decided to go in.)

Harry put his head in the misty substance and was then plunged into the pensive.

There was only Hermione left now… unless you also count me the authoress and my co authoress who are STILL to be unknown amongst you, the viewers… but let's face it! We didn't keep it a great secret!

Hermione once again showed signs of her "evilness" to come through her eyes…

**A/n end of chappy! Yay! Read and Review! You might be wondering now… " WTF! What does this have to do with Helga HufflePuff in hipster-jeans!" Well you'll soon find out! Don't worry it will all make sense in the end. I know pretty bad beginning but don't worry it gets heaps better… I think! Ohhh… and no I don't own a laptop… I wish I did but no. Aaaaannnndddddd I ABSORLUTALY HATE WRITING IN 3RD PERSON… BUT I DO IT FOR THE SAKE OF IT! PLEASE R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n okay now it's time for chappy 2! Now I think in this chapter you'll find out why the fanfic's called Helga Hufflepuff and the hipster-jeans. Now please be patient with me and my randomness… Now for disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: If you read in chappy 1… We (my friend and I) do NOT own HP (Well not yet anyway! MWAHAHAHA!) So go away lawyers that want to do us harm!**

_Authored by me: hp-Lover-4-Ever and co. authored by Lady of the Frozen Black Flame (LOTFBF for short)_

Fred: (falls)

George: (falls and lands on Fred)

Ginny: (falls and land on George)

Ron:(falling…) WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Falls and lands on Ginny) Ooohhh… dog pile on yay!

Fred, George and Ginny: -groans-

Fred: Ron, how heavy do you want to be?

Ron: I like dog piles!

Ginny: (getting sandwiched between George and Ron) that's easy for you to say!

Fred: (Is now mince under all the weight on him) Where's Harry and Hermione they should be here by now!

Harry: (comes falling and lands on the "dog" pile.

Fred: -groans- I shouldn't have asked!

Hermione: (Comes falling down)

Everyone: (Wait with anticipation, expecting her to fall on them)

LOTFBF: Why don't they just get up? (Looks at hp-Lover-4-Ever) You didn't!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: (Evil grin) Oh yes I did!

LOTFBF: You changed to script!

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Uhuh!

LOTFBF: But… Why? (Though she thought she had a good idea of what she was going to say)

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: (In a mock voice) To have a laugh! Happy!

(A/n if you go back to chappy one LOTFBF says those exact same words)

LOTFBF: (Confused) How did you remember everything I said?

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: I didn't I checked to script.

LOTFBF: That makes **sense!**

Hp-Lover-4-Ever: Hey are **you** saying I'm forgetful!

LOTFBF: Let's JUST say YOU'RE a little like Neville.

Neville: (Magically appears) Hey!

Authoresses: Well it's the truth! Anyway let's get back to our fanfic.

Hermione who had been frozen in mid-air though this, and all characters frozen (like in movies when you put on the pause button) Finally fell to the ground but not on top everyone as they had expected. She landed gracefully on the ground.

Ron: How did **SHE **do **that!**

Hermione: Well UNLIKE you Ronald… I have enough grace to land upright… (Pauses for a second thinking)… and also I'm wearing comftable high heals (flashes high heals, that LOOK EXTEMELY comftable –for high heals that is-)

Ginny: That explains it.

Harry: Anyway where in the hell are we!

Hermione: (Looks around) Umm… I think I can guess…

Everyone: Where?

Hermione: Umm… I think we've gone into the time of the 4 founders…

Ron: (panicky) What 4 founders!

Hermione: (Sarcastically) Who do you think the 4 founders of The Blue Mountains? (A/n place in Australia sorry for people who don't know.) No you kindergarten reject the 4 founders of Hogwarts!

Harry: How would you know?

Hermione: Are you **ever** going to read Hogwarts: a history!

Ron: Like we have said **sooooooo **many times before! We don't need to! We have a walking around Hogwarts: a history right here!

Harry: How do you know, Hermione?

Hermione: Because it's just like how they described it!

They were in apparently the same room as the one they had just come from through the pensive, and the said pensive was prompt up… but the room wasn't dusty and unused. It was the exact opposite.

The room was colourful and contained a pile of cushions and almost too much pink.

Ron: (looks around the room) AAAAAAH Hermione this isn't the 4 Founders of Hogwarts it's Umbridges office! (Ron curls up into the fetal position muttering things under his breath like "Die Umbridge die!" and "Everywhere I turn she's there" for Ron still could not get over the time Umbridge molested him in a Pink and cushiony room like this.)

Hermione: (shakes head) Ron if you where in Umbridges room it would have all those revolting pictures of kittens not pictures of **The 4 Founders**!

Ron: (looks around again) ohhhhhh yeah!

Hermione: By the looks of things this must be Helga Hufflepuffs office.

**A/N ok I'm going to stop here because I want you to try and guess what this is about… So come on read and review. I want to see nice big reviews before I do the next chapter. **


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